


On Our Own

by MoonPrincessCastiel



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Not Children of Earth Compliant, Post-Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-26
Updated: 2015-01-26
Packaged: 2018-03-09 02:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3233423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonPrincessCastiel/pseuds/MoonPrincessCastiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After "Journey's End" (DW) Gwen abandons Jack and Ianto without explanation. They try to carry on without replacing her, Owen or Tosh. However, Ianto is soon seriously injured and Jack realizes that they can't continue on their own. Will they also leave Torchwood and live "normal" lives or will they continue to defend the earth?</p>
            </blockquote>





	On Our Own

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably one of my favorites. Like the others, this was written a few years ago. Enjoy!!
> 
> This idea came to me because of Gwen's last comment in "Exit Wounds"; she said she didn't think she could continue, not after losing Owen and Tosh. It got me thinking about what it might have been like if she had chosen to leave Torchwood. "Journey's End" gave me the perfect opening, as we don't really know what happened when Jack came back.

The scent of fresh brewed coffee was the first thing that Captain Jack Harkness smelled as he rode the invisible lift. The sight of a destroyed Dalek warrior in front of the cogwheel door was the first thing that Captain Jack Harkness saw as the lift stopped.

"Ianto! Gwen! IANTO!" was the first thing that Captain Jack Harkness said as he jumped off the lift.

Panic filled his very soul as he stormed through the hub. Images of two dead bodies ran through his head as he searched desperately for the only two reasons he had to stay on earth. If anything had happened to them he would never forgive himself for running off with the Doctor. _Again_.

"IANTO! Answer me, _please_!" he shouted as he ran towards the archives.

"Jack?" a calm Welsh voice called out from behind. "Is that you?"

Jack whirled around in midstep and stared at the tired face of his lover who was leaning against the wall.

"Ianto…" Jack quickly crossed the hub and grabbed the other man to him. He wrapped his arms around the smaller form and crushed it to his own body. He trembled as he tried not to think of what he could have come back to instead.

"Jack, could you let go please?" Ianto asked in a muffled voice, as his face was pressed against a hard shoulder.

Ianto was surprised at how such a simple request caused the older man to grip him even tighter.

"Never. I'll never let you go," Jack said in a panicked-harsh tone. He ran a hand through the short wavy hair and buried his nose in his lover's neck in an attempt to memorize the scent.

"Jack," Ianto said gently. "It's okay, you're okay. It's over." He tried to soothe his lover's fears but it became very clear that he was not succeeding.

Jack pulled back and glowered at him. " _I'm okay_?" He scoffed in anger. "You really think that I care that I'm okay? Dammit, Ianto, I was worried about _you_. I thought, when I saw the Dalek, that you were dead! Who cares about me- _I was so scared that I lost you_!" He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Tiger Pants, but I have to be selfish and not let you out of my sight ever again."

Tiger Pants! Oh god, he really had been worried! He only ever called Ianto "Tiger Pants" when they were having playful sex or when he was really upset over something that concerned the younger man.

Not really sure how to process this new bit of information, Ianto settled for laying his head on Jack's shoulder. He sighed softly and allowed Jack to pull him towards the couch and then onto his lap, his arms wrapped even tighter around Ianto's waist.

Jack found comfort in the scent of his lover's neck, where he had pressed his face yet again. Only now did he allow the tears to fall. How could he have been so ignorant to his friends' plight? He was the leader of Torchwood Three; he should have made certain that the base was secured before he left. No, he should have let the Doctor and the others deal with the Daleks while he stayed here and protected the hub. After all, it didn't really matter if the world was overrun with Daleks, all that matter to him was that Ianto was safe. Without Ianto, Jack's life was not worth living…

_Oh my god,_ he thought. _Did I practically admit to being in love with Ianto?_

The thought should have horrified him. It should have made him run away as far as he could go. Jack Harkness had made a promise with himself years ago that he would not permit himself to fall in love with anyone. It made no sense for him to love when he knew that one day he would have to bury that someone special. Why let himself get hurt? It was why he had not allowed himself to do more than flirt with Gwen. True, he had been upset at her engagement to Rhys, and he had made a fool of himself at her wedding (Ianto had refused to let him stay over after wards, which had led him to go home and reminisce before he had returned to Ianto's and let himself in and told the young man that "Dammit, I'm not letting you do this. You will not give up on us, got it?" It was then that they had moved onto a more serious, intimate relationship and- oh shit, he really was in love with Ianto-my coffee is the best-Jones! Even his subconscious could see it!), but he had not let it get between them.

Jack raised his head and looked at Ianto's face. His lover's eyes were worry-filled and anxious as they scanned Jack's. He smiled softly and lifted his hands to cradle the worried face.

"I love you," he said. He did, he really did. He knew it now. He loved this man.

"Jack?" Okay, so not what he'd expected. It wasn't that Ianto didn't feel the same way, because he did. It was that he found it difficult to believe that Jack truly felt that way about him when he could easily have anyone he wanted. Why would he choose the Tea Boy?

"I love you, Ianto. I'm not just saying that because I was worried, or adrenaline rushed, or anything like that. I said it because it's true. From that first night that you took on a Weevil with a busted up 2x4 I've loved you. I was just too stupid to realize what was in front of me." He pressed a gentle kiss on the tip of Ianto's nose and then nuzzled his jaw.

"Keep that up, Sir, and I'll have you naked in a matter of seconds," Ianto teased, using his pet name for Jack.

"I'd gladly continue, Tiger Pants, but poor Gwen has never gotten over the shock of walking in on us in the hothouse," Jack said with a grin.

Ianto's face fell as Jack looked around. "Where is Gwen, anyway?" Jack asked.

"She went home to Rhys," Ianto explained. "Right after the earth had returned to its proper place she said she had to go."

"Hm. She should have at least helped you straighten up in here. Unless Rhys or someone was hurt?"

"No, no not that."

Warning bells went off in Jack's head at Ianto's tone.

"Then what?" he asked slowly.

Ianto licked his lips and looked away. "She said that she was sorry but that she couldn't do this anymore. She said she was resigning from Torchwood. She's gone Jack." He turned his blue eyes onto his lover. "She's left us. Gwen's left us."

Jack stared at Ianto. He could see the fear and uncertainty in those sad eyes. He pulled Ianto close and let the other man cry.

He couldn't believe it. Gwen was gone.

Jack watched as Ianto straightened up the hub proper with a closed expression on his face. How was he to tell the younger man that Gwen was gone? How was he to tell Ianto that Gwen wasn't coming back? That Gwen had abandoned them?

He had held Ianto tightly to him until that morning. Once he had showered he had driven the SUV to Gwen's flat and tried to talk to her. Rhys had let him in and then had sat him down for a chat.

_"I don't know what's up with her," Rhys said with a frown. "She came home yesterday after all that earth-moving moving mess and said she was never going back to Torchwood again."_

_"So you have no clue as to why she suddenly decided to leave?"_

_"No, I don't."_

_"Is she here? I'd like to talk to her."_

_"Jack." She had appeared from the bedroom, dressed in her pajamas. From the expression on her face it was clear that she had been listening to their conversation._

_"Gwen, what's going on?" Jack asked._

_"I realized yesterday when the Dalek got into the hub that I didn't want to do it anymore. I quit, Jack. I quit Torchwood. And don't give me shit about retcon; I know that when he was suspended after Lisa Ianto asked for it and you refused. Said something about it would be cruel to Lisa's memory to make him forget. And you let Rhys keep his memories, so I know you don't like to retcon people."_

_"So that's it then? You got scared and decided to run away? No other reason? That's bullshit Gwen. Tell me what's really going on." He needed to know, for his and Ianto's sake if nothing else._

_"That's all, Jack."_

_"So what do I say to Ianto? That you've just chosen to up and leave us? To leave him? That's more cruel than anything; you know what he's been through!"_

_"Don't use him as a bargaining chip, Harkness," Gwen said angrily. "If Ianto's as smart as I always thought he was, he'll get out too, while he still can. And if you care even the tiniest bit about him, you'll convince him to leave."_

And that was it. Gwen's face was set in a determined glare. She wasn't coming back. She had given him a flimsy excuse and was not going to change her mind.

Ianto had nearly finished picking up the rubbish. He looked up and saw Jack watching him.

"Well, what did she say?" he asked, the barest hint of hope in his voice. Hope that he had not lost yet another person whom was important to him.

Jack crossed the room and pulled him into a tight embrace. He tucked Ianto's head against his shoulder and just held him. He could feel his lover's body sag; the younger man knew that Gwen was gone for good.

Jack was angry. It wasn't the fact that she had chosen to leave Torchwood; it was a very dangerous job and not everyone could handle it. At least she had not gone the way that Alex had and killed Ianto and herself to save them from the future. No, her choosing to leave was not what angered him. It was the fact that she wanted out of their lives completely. As he had stood from her couch she had told him to never come see her again, to never call her, to in fact pretend that he did not know her. She didn't want retcon, she didn't want to forget, she said. She needed the memories to help remind her of why she left them. The only thing that saved her from being retconned anyway was that she had asked -no- demanded that Jack make Ianto his first priority. That was how he knew that there was something else going on. It was not simply the fear brought on by the Dalek invasion that had caused her to run away.

"She's really gone, isn't she?" Ianto's voice was muffled. At Jack's nod he twisted his head to rest against the hard shoulder and he closed his eyes. He had lost his family when he joined Torchwood, his friends had all died at Canary Wharf, Lisa had been taken from him twice, Owen and Tosh - the pain of losing them was still so raw. And Jack, he had left him once before.

Jack. Was he going to lose him too? The man was the only constant in his life. The man made Ianto feel things that after Lisa he had sworn never to feel again. His pulse raced whenever the older man was near by, the way his heart pounded inside his chest reminded him that life was worth living. He loved Jack so much it would kill him if his lover left him again.

"Are you going to leave me too?" he whispered.

Jack's arms tightened. "No, I told you yesterday that I love you. How could I leave you?" He paused and frowned. 'Do you want to leave?"

"No! I love you too, I would never leave you!"

"Ianto, I didn't mean that, I meant do you want to leave here, leave Torchwood? Have more normal life."

"What?"

"We could. I have property all over the place. Pick somewhere, anywhere. We'll get normal jobs and live together in a nice house. Everyday we'll go to work and come home to each other. No more aliens, no more hiding ourselves from the world. We'll put the hub into a timed, permanent lock down and walk away. We'll never look back. Whatever happens will happen. You and I will live together until you die of old age and we'll never look back."

Ianto pulled away and stared up at his lover. He had dreamed of a normal life with Lisa but had known that there would be no such thing with Jack.

"You would do that? You would give up Torchwood, give up all of this, just so I could have a normal life?" At his lover's nod he pulled the older man close to him again and hugged him close. "As nice as it sounds to have a normal life, I don't think I could ever just walk away. Besides, even if I should die today at the hands of an alien, I'll die knowing that I made a difference. For the world and for you. No Jack, I'm not ready for 'normal'."

"Are you sure? Because all it will take is one word from you and Torchwood Cardiff will cease to exist." Jack looked down at Ianto's face. It was as open as it had been on the night that Lisa had died except that instead of tears Ianto's expression was one of content.

"I'm sure. Maybe one day I'll change my mind, but for now I want to keep doing this."

"Okay, if the day comes that you do want to leave, tell me and we will. Together."

"I promise."

"Okay, Mr. Jones. We've got our work cut out for us. How about some of your mind-blowing coffee to get us started?"

"Yes sir!"

_Three months later…_

Jack listened to the soft beep, beep, beep that came from the monitor next to the hospital bed. His eyes were locked onto Ianto's battered face. He stared at the mask that covered his lover's mouth and nose and wanted to cry. The problem with that was that he had run out of tears hours ago.

It had been difficult for them to continue their work but they had somehow managed these last few months. They rarely got the chance to relax and sleep had become a luxury. Ianto had moved out of his flat and into the hub, which made it a little easier on him. The lack of teammates meant that Jack often dealt with Rift activity and alien threats alone, however he never let Ianto go into dangerous situations by himself. While he had lots of lives to waste, the younger man did not.

Ianto being in hospital should never have happened. Not like this. A human dealing in alien weapons had finally been tracked down after nearly two weeks of them chasing him. Once they had cornered him in an abandoned warehouse (coincidently the same one where they had caught Myfanwy) all hell had broken lose.

The bastard had been so angry at being caught that he had let loose a Weevil he had managed to captured and it had gone straight for Ianto. Thankfully, Ianto had been alert and had managed to hold his own while Jack had taken on the dealer. The man quickly realized that he would not be able to escape without a fight and so had shot Jack. As Jack fell he had seen the man turn and fired several shots at Ianto.

Ianto.

Between the Weevil beating him and the gunshots he had gone down in a pool of blood. Jack still wasn't certain how he had managed to drag himself to his feet and shoot the Weevil. He had emptied his gun into the alien and killed it. The dealer had run off. And Ianto had lain there, barely alive. Jack had pulled out his mobile and dialed the emergency number that Torchwood used when they needed medical aide and had died. He had only been dead for a few brief minutes but it had been enough to send him into a panic when he awoke. Ianto's pulse was weak and there was so much blood. He did what he could, praying for the ambulance to hurry, hurry.

And now he was sitting in a chair in a private (Thank God for Torchwood authority) room watching as his lover breathed through the plastic mask.

Ianto's face was covered in welts and bruises from the Weevil, as was much of his body. Two of his vertebrae had been damaged, his collarbone had been busted and his left hip had been dislocated. One bullet had hit his heart, the second his left shoulder and the third had grazed his left hand. He had been in shock by the time Jack had come back to life. Even through the pain he had stayed focused on Jack's face. He had only fallen unconscious when the paramedics had sedated him.

Jack reached out and took hold of Ianto's left hand. There was a bandage on it but he couldn't hold the right hand as there it was hooked up to several IV drips. He turned the hand over and kissed the palm. The doctors had told him that the next fort-eight hours would be the most important. It was also very likely that Ianto would remain unconscious for the entirety. That was fine with Jack, sleep was often the best medicine, and it helped the body heal.

He looked up as the door opened. His eyes widened then narrowed when he saw the familiar figure walk through the door.

"Gwen?"

She didn't look at him. Her gaze was locked onto the too still body lying on the hospital bed.

"What are you doing here?" Jack asked her warily.

"I ran into Andy and he told me that you'd called for an ambulance." She came closer to the bed, took a closer look at Ianto's face.

"So you just decided to waltz in here like nothing had happened then? What are you doing here?" He was angry. She had left hem, abandoned them, and now when Ianto was hooked up to half a dozen life support monitors she decided to pop back in?

"You were supposed to send him away," she whispered. "You said you would protect him. But look at him! He's just a boy and look at him…"

"It was his choice," Jack said. He stood and held Ianto's hand to his chest. "I told him that we could leave but he wanted to stay. I won't take that from him."

She raised her head and glowered at him. "He won't leave you, not unless you force him to. When I said make him your priority I meant that you needed to make him want to leave you. Even if you had to break his heart, or retcon him, you needed to push him away!"

"What? Why the hell would I do that? I love him!"

"You don't love him enough. If you did then you would see that Torchwood is no good for him. Torchwood is no place for someone like Ianto. He's so young, so full of life. Torchwood takes all of that away from you. He doesn't deserve that. He deserves to be happy, to have a normal life. He can't have that with you. One day, he'll look older than you and you'll lose interest and leave him for someone younger. While you stay the same."

Did she really think he was that shallow? Yes, he had noticed how attractive Ianto was when they had first met and yes, looks were important to him. But what was on the surface was only one part of a person. Ianto had a heart that even though he had suffered it had remained pure and honest.

"I swear to you, Gwen Cooper-Williams, no matter how old he gets I am never leaving him. Now I'm sorry if you see that as being selfish on my part, but why should I break his heart again? I promised myself when I first returned a year ago that I wouldn't leave him again."

"Yet you did, three months ago, for the Doctor."

"In case you've forgotten, the world was in danger. Daleks were everywhere."

"Yes, even in the hub. We could have been killed. Instead, we took on a Dalek with useless weapons and were only saved because of Tosh's timelock program."

"I know. He and I have discussed that at length. But the decision to stay at Torchwood was left up to him."

"You asked me before why I left." She reached a hand down to stroke Ianto's forehead. "I wasn't completely honest with you."

"I know." He kissed Ianto's palm again.

"You want the truth." It was not a question. "When Owen and Tosh died it was as if a part of me died too. I tried to smile and keep going. 'The end is where we start from,' you said. I tried to believe that. I wanted to believe that. But then we went to Geneva, the Perfection, and the zombies; there was Torchwood India, the alien that stole vocal cords- so much happened so fast. I kept trying to keep up. But I felt as if I was losing myself. Slowly I was becoming someone else, someone darker. I wanted to hurt. I wanted to make people suffer, everyone who had ever hurt me. I wanted to unfreeze Gray and kill him for Owen and Tosh. I wanted to make others hurt. And seeing you and Ianto grow closer while I was falling away made it worse. You two made moving on look so easy and here I was struggling."

"It wasn't easy," Jack said. "We've just had more practice. I've had to say goodbye hundreds of times. Ianto has lost far too much for someone so young. Don't ever think that it was easy for us. Because it wasn't; it still isn't."

Gwen carefully lifted Ianto's right hand and held it to her. "I was terrified when the Daleks came. I could see how afraid you both were and that's when I knew that we could all die. After you left, when that Dalek came through the door, I stopped being myself. I took out all my rage on the thing even though I knew it was useless. I was prepared to die just so I wouldn't feel this pain anymore. After the earth was put back in to place I knew that I couldn't stay at Torchwood any longer. I tried to get Ianto to leave too, but he refused. He said that you would be worried if no one was there waiting for you."

"I was terrified," Jack confessed. "I had never been so scared before."

"I was more scared of who I was becoming," Gwen said softly. "I couldn't let myself continue like that. You told me how Owen came to Torchwood. He used to be happy, he had dreams and hope and was full of life. Then Katie died because of an alien. It changed him. He stopped caring. Losing Diane pushed him too close to the edge. He pretended to be happy, content but he wasn't. You cleared out Tosh's flat while I did Owen's. He kept a diary, did you know that? I found it and read it. He was so full of sorrow and pain. He wanted it to end. He had never gotten over losing Katie. He was in a dark place. Being brought back by the glove only made it worse because he still couldn't find peace. When he died at the power plant, I think he finally found what he was looking for." She gently squeezed Ianto's hand. He was the only thing at the moment keeping her calm. "I didn't want that to be me. When I opened fire at the Dalek I wanted it to kill me. 'Exterminate me,' I wanted to scream at it. I wanted to die."

"Gwen…" She should have told him, he could have helped her.

"And then I thought of Rhys. Despite all of the deception, he still loves me. I couldn't do that, not to him. I knew I had to go. So I did. I left Torchwood and I returned to normalcy. I didn't want to forget my life with you though. I need those memories so that I always remember how close I came to falling into darkness."

"So you left. You never even gave us a chance to help you." He looked down at his lover's face. Even with a mass of bruises Ianto looked like he was sleeping. "You hurt him, more than you hurt me. It wasn't that we wanted to force you to stay, we just wanted to be in your life."

"I know. But it hurts, knowing that one day because of Torchwood he'll be dead. Or you'll move on."

"I won't. I love him too much to do that. I know I don't have forever to be with him, but I'm not going to walk away from the best thing I have ever had just because of the pain."

Gwen carefully set Ianto's hand down. "I can't stay Jack. You're both important to me. But I can't stay and risk becoming a monster. I can't take the chance that I won't turn on you."

Like Alex had. Jack closed his eyes and sighed. Perhaps it was for the best.

"Then go. I don't want him to wake up and see you here and think you've come back."

Gwen smiled sadly at him. "Don't tell him I was here. But please Jack, take care of him. He's so young."

"You're only a few years older."

"True, but I've been aged by the darkness. I don't like feeling this way, but at least I knew to leave."

"Goodbye Gwen." Jack looked her in the eye. "If you should ever decide to return, to Torchwood or just to us, you know how to find us."

"Goodbye, Jack." She leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss on Ianto's forehead and then she turned and walked out the door. Out of their lives once again.

It had been four weeks since Ianto was injured. He was back at the hub under Jack's careful watch. There had been a lot of rift activity the past few weeks but much of the work that had been done was research. Jack was loath to leave Ianto for very long since he was still healing and so he only went out alien hunting when he had to. And now they were having a conversation that they had wanted to avoid.

Ianto carefully sat down on the couch and reached for his coffee. He really didn't want to have this conversation but they had no choice. Not if they wanted to keep Torchwood functioning.

"Okay," Jack said as he sat down next to him. He had a bunch of folders in his hands. "I've all ready contacted Martha; she's going to help us out until we find a medic. I have here the in-depth profiles of several possible candidates for recruitment. A couple of them were at Torchwood One; I want to talk to them before we offer them a job. They may still be suffering from the battle. We need at least one technician who can decipher Tosh's programs and two field agents. You're going to be stuck to the Archives and paperwork until you're healed."

"So, back to my original role then as butler."

"But a very cute butler," Jack teased, enjoying the way his lover smiled. He hadn't told Ianto about Gwen's visit. Instead he had focused on Ianto getting better. He had occupied himself with researching recruits and the rift activity. At least they seemed to be able to move past the pain of losing Gwen.

"Ok, what about the tourist office? It still needs to be manned so our cover isn't jeopardized," Ianto said.

"I know. I thought maybe someone who could do admin and customer relations would be good. How about her?" He handed Ianto a folder. "Lois Habiba. Twenty-three. Works as a personal assistant through a temp agency. No immediate family, no significant other, as of now. Good with computers and has worked for the Tourism Bureau before."

"Hmm, sounds like a possibility. Let's see what she says."

Lois Habiba was walking towards her car late in the afternoon when two handsome men approached her. One was in his late thirties and wore a 1940's style coat and the other man was only a couple of years older than her and wore a suit. The second man also had to use a cane to help him walk.

She eyed them warily as they called out to her. This wasn't the safest part of town, but there were enough people around, as it was still early, to make her feel safe.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Hello, Ms. Habiba," the younger man said as he leaned on his cane for support. "I'm Ianto Jones and this-" he indicated the older man, whose hand rested on his companion's lower back. "Is Captain Jack Harkness."

"Okay… And that means what exactly?"

Captain Harkness smiled at her. "It means that we want you to join us."

"Join you? For what?"

"You should come work for us," he said still with a smile.

"Where do you work?" Lois asked, feeling a bit of a thrill go through her, although she wasn't sure why.

Jack and Ianto looked at each other and then Ianto smiled at her.

"We're Torchwood."

END

 


End file.
